Beauty Surrounds Us

I’ve been alive for 50 years and I have spent most of that time in the town of Reading, Berkshire, UK and I had no idea there was a place called Maiden Erleigh Nature Reserve, which is featured in the YouTube video below.

This is on my to-do list, as is The Harris Garden which is reasonably close by. Then there’s Lavell’s Lake which is a little bit further afield but only a few miles up the road. Then there’s Hartslock a little further away again which boasts stunning views of the countryside and is home to incredible flora and fauna.

Fobney Island Nature Reserve, I visit semi-regularly. It’s a Wetland and is situated just a few hundred metres from a recycling plant. As you exit the plant, there is a very nondescript looking narrow road and that takes you into an equally bland looking car park. Once there, a 100 yards or so and that takes you to a bridge, a weir, a river and a canal. That’s where everything opens up. You can walk along the canal path, which is very beautiful or you can go into the wide open expanses of the reserve itself, where there are various bird hides to sit and watch the avian displays or places to sit and enjoy the natural ambience.

Earlier this week, we made our way to Kidmore End Pond and then onto Widmore Pond in Sonning Common, where we fed the inhabitants (mainly ducks) with floating bird seed, which they ate heartily. Both ponds had a duck home atop the water, for the bird people to call home.

All these delightful little places are to be found within the encroaching metropolis.

We were driving through Sonning last night and Mum asked me if there were any places nearby where we could go and feed the birds. I opened Google Maps and less than a mile away, we discovered a place called Ali’s Pond Local Nature Reserve. Neither of us had ever heard of it but there it was, just a stone’s throw away from where we were.

That’s when we discovered via Google Maps, Lousehill Copse, Blundell’s Copse, Loddon Nature Reserve, Aldermoors Nature Reserve and Moor Copse Nature Reserve. All of these places, less than a half hour drive from us. Beauty surrounds us yet it took me a half-century to finally open my eyes to see it. What I have been seeking isn’t ‘out there someplace’ but right here and right now and it’s bloody marvellous.

29th Feb 2024 3

A Delicate Balancing Act

I have returned from the hospital. A clove substitute was placed into the area where the tooth was extracted and the pain stopped immediately. I was prescribed codeine and paracetamol to take together every 4 hours for the next few days. He was a very kind, gentle dentist and he was ably assisted by an equally kind and professional nurse.

I have the boy cat with me, The Handsome Prince. He’s chatting away to me. The New Addition is walking about in the house. She equipped herself very well the other day when he tried it on with her. She whipped around, bared her teeth and swiped at him with her claws. He looked shocked. He backed right off and just stared at her, wide-eyed in the distance. He kept looking over at me as if to sat “WTF?!?”

She’s not placid as The Queen B was and in a way that’s good because The Handsome Prince would on occasion attack her and she would just allow it. The New Addition is not going to be like that which bodes well, in terms of my not having to worry if they are left in the same room together. I always made sure The Queen B and The Handsome Prince were apart if we went out anywhere.

I bought some peach iced tea today which I’ve only had once before. Very nice. Refreshing. I bought mum “The Best Ever” prawn sandwich. It’s marketed as that. Mum loves it. It’s packed with prawns, lettuce, tomato and dressing. She’s now sat in front of the TV watching quiz shows.

I’m listening to Otis Taylor, who created a music genre called trance Blues. Gary Moore guested on a few of his albums by Otis before his sad and untimely passing, in 2011. Click HERE if you wish to listen to the album Definition Of A Circle by Otis Taylor. Gary Moore plays majestically on that. Stand out tracks to hear him tear it up, are Little Betty as well as Love and Hesitation. What a loss Gary is to the music world.

Right by the entrance where I had to enter the hospital, the police had tape up as someone was struck while cycling and died shortly thereafter, yesterday night. Their injuries must have been extensive as the Intensive Care Unit is just a short way away. It’s very sad. To think, he was alive and walking about this time yesterday and didn’t know it would be his last day on Earth.

Our lives can end just like that. It’s amazing then how much misery the Wayward Wizards (as my good friend Sharine calls them) can create for each of us on our short tenure here on this planet. Another ruse of theirs is to filter as many of us as possible towards False Light, so we end up returning here in subservience so we can be ill-treated by their progeny all over again.

Living To Work and Working to Live is what so many of us do. I don’t know why so many people do this and especially as more people are now agnostic/atheist than ever before. You would think the spectre of oblivion hanging over people’s heads would cause them to think more deeply about the lives they’re leading however it doesn’t appear to have much effect. Money their god. Consumerism their religion. Their idols the temple priests they choose to emulate. Haha. Don’t get me started on that.

I’m off to hang out with The Handsome Prince and listen to music. Peace, love and light to you all.

15th Feb 2024 4

Dry Socket

I always get a Dry Socket after any dental extractions undertaken and this time is no different. I contacted the hospital this morning and I’m due back this afternoon to sort things out. I did everything laid out in the fact-sheet with regard to aftercare however to no avail. I was up most of last night with pain, which radiated out from the area treated to the jawbone, ear and up into my head. Not pleasant at all.

The birds have all been fed and it’s a joy watching them race to the various parts of the garden, in search of treats. We have three squirrels who massively deplete the peanut stores and a large brown rat. I couldn’t believe it when I saw him/her. He/she only eats from one of the suet logs. He climbs up, takes a few mouthfuls and then heads back down into the undergrowth before climbing back up again. Our garden is not dirty at all so I’m not sure why he/she’s there. To be honest, I don’t mind. He/she is beautiful.

I’m sitting here listening to Michael Hill’s Blues Mob. Great band. Michael Hill is a brilliant guitarist, in that powerful, flowing guitar style a la Gary Moore. I really like their albums. There are so many great musicians out there, who for whatever reason, don’t reach wider acclaim. It maybe due to niche music genres or perhaps a willingness not to sell out. Usually the latter, I would say.

I was listening to Charlie Musselwhite earlier. I love Charlie’s music. I love his harmonica playing. He’s a good guitarist too, with a sparse, pared-down playing style. The album I listened to was Delta Hardware. It’s very good, especially the opening track Church Is Out.

Now I’ve just got to wait out the remaining time until I get seen by the hospital. I’m starving hungry however eating is just so uncomfortable at the moment. I have rinsed my mouth out with warm saltwater and also non-alcoholic mouthwash as per instructions but nothing’s really helping as the pain is coming through in waves.

I was thinking about the situation in the Middle East currently and I think what a certain country is doing with regards to the taking of innocent lives, is absolutely wicked. However, had a different state been formed back in the 1940’s and one in which M’s had the majority stake in it, how many J’s would be living there now? I’m going to say NONE. I’m not giving anyone there a free pass, only that if I had to choose who to live under, the M’s in any region or the J’s in that country, I know which I would choose. ‘I’ as a religion isn’t good. Just from a music perspective. J not only allows it but it flourishes. ‘I’ forbids it totally.

There was a cricket under the refrigerator that chirped for weeks. Then the chirping stopped. I was sad because I thought it had likely passed away. I sat down one night nearby and out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement and by my feet was the cricket. Hardly moving. I picked him up (only the males chirp) and took him upstairs. Put him into the container, right by the food and water. He was there for ages feeding up. He rewarded me later with song. It was a lovely sound.

Any religion which tells me animals don’t have souls and therefore don’t get into the Hereafter hasn’t a heart. I would willingly take oblivion if it meant I couldn’t experience such delights when I shuffle off this mortal coil. I have a Pagan heart and an Animist soul, with a hint of Taoism and Shamanism thrown in for good measure. It’s not a bad mix, all in all.

It’s a beautiful, sunny day today. There’s a dead-looking brown bush across from one of the downstairs windows. I noticed yesterday that it has little green shoots all over it, so Spring is just around the corner. It won’t be long before everything comes back to life once more.

Right. That’s it for me for the moment. Peace, love and light to you all. Have a good day.

15th Feb 2024 2

Jay version 5.0

So yesterday, I hit the big Five Zero and it feels strange to be at the age I considered elderly when I was a young boy, still in single digits in terms of age. I remember meeting people many years later whom I thought would be dead only to discover they were only in their mid 60’s to early 70’s. 50 seemed ancient to me.

Yet, here I am.

I don’t really feel any different than I ever did. It might just all catch up with me at once. I look largely as I did at 40 and although I have had some major upheavals in my life since then and am doubtlessly battle-scarred because of it, I feel pretty good. Older and definitely wiser.

Yesterday passed uneventfully. I spent the day with Mum. We went grocery shopping and stocked up for Christmas. We picked up quite a few bargains and some nice tasty things to eat when we arrived home. The boy cat was with me and a welcome new addition, another tuxedo cat as it happens. A beautiful grey and white short-hair feline goddess, who was unwanted and sadly unloved. She is settling in nicely. She loves her garden and enjoys watching the various garden birds, the squirrels and the pair of parakeets who have made our garden their home, on the very day I buried The Queen B.

The Queen B is here. She has made that clear. The first thing the welcome new addition did was roll over, which The Queen B did each and every time we greeted each other.

The New Addition drinks out of a tall glass rather than a bowl which is very cute. She is so different from The Queen B that the former can never be overwritten in my memory which wouldn’t have happened anyway but the marked difference means than The Queen B remains luminescent. She is buried in a favourite spot of hers in the garden, where she can see everything from that position. I visit with her each morning and talk with her, let her know what’s happening in Her Queendom and sing her song “My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean.”

We weren’t going to have another pet however having discovered this little cat whom no one wanted, and also part of the nickname I gave The Queen B is this new little one’s name, let me know I was getting a blessing from The Queen herself that adopting her was the right thing to do. I am still grieving daily and I will be for some time. When the weather is nice, I will show The New Addition the garden and where The Queen B was laid to rest and in time, she will find places within the garden which she will make her own.

She is currently walking about the house finding her feet within that. She is unfazed by Dream Theater blasting out. She is HOME.

13th Dec 2023 13

The Tuxedo Cat

I named this blog The Tuxedo Cat to pay homage to my friend The Queen B and my previous little friend, Zev, also a tuxedo cat who passed away in 2021. They feature in my blog header image. My good friend Lexx, a jet black cat is also seen in the image. He is Zev’s son. All lovely people whom I have loved and do still love dearly.

I can’t believe that both of my blog namesake friends have gone. The world feels colder and harsher right now. The loss is unimaginable. The sadness, unbearable. 9 days ago, The Queen B was running around her garden as she had always done. Everything was normal, or appeared to be. 9 days and everything has changed.

23rd Nov 2023 6

My Friend Left This World Today

At just after 3.00pm this afternoon, my beautiful baby, my dear friend, my companion, my love – left this world. She slipped away in about 20 seconds. We changed vet’s this past week and hoped she would live for a good few weeks however the stress of the situation, she had lost so much weight, took her so very quickly. Even 3 days ago, I could see she was still there fully in her face even though her body was wasting away.

The vet was magnificent. An amazing person. So kind, so gentle. I wished he had been our vet from the beginning. Our previous vet lacked humanity and was out to extract as much money as possible. He told us all about the process upon our arrival. He made sure The Queen B was comfortable. We opted to take her wrapped in a blanket rather than in her carrier to minimise stress. She loved driving through Sonning Eye and seeing the river. When we arrived at the practice, he took her into the back room bundled in her blanket and prepared her for the procedure.

He brought her back through and gave us 5 minutes alone to prepare. When it was time, he came back into the room. He was such a calming presence. He flushed the cannula and when we were ready, gave her the injection. In that moment, I felt a second of blind panic knowing that the process was irreversible. A short while later, her head settled down and her body went limp. I bawled my eyes out.

When we had adjusted to what had happened, he took her out the back and removed the cannula before returning with her wrapped beautifully in her blanket. Her face covered and her eyes had been closed. Her emaciated body had seemed so light when we had arrived. It suddenly felt so heavy. We thanked the vet and the receptionist for their kindness then brought her home. She is buried at the bottom of the garden in her blanket, facing towards the house. She is in a lovely location, right under where the birds and squirrels feed. She used to love hanging out there.

A strange thing happened a little earlier tonight. We heard a cat cry. Right up by the window. We both looked outside but there was no one there. We ventured outside to where we had heard the sound. As we came back inside, we heard it again. The sound was unmistakable and so close to us. It was her, letting us know she was okay. It’s not going to bring her back but I know she is safe on her journey, to wherever she is headed to. I hope we meet again.

Being without her, even for just this short amount of time is agonising. Even these past few days, with her so withdrawn and unwell – knowing she was here was a great comfort. She was an amazing person and I told her everything I needed to before the procedure. I kissed her and told her I loved her, hundreds of times. She was loved. Adored actually. I will never get over her passing and I will not have another pet because they won’t be her. It wouldn’t be fair on them.

Goodnight my precious, sweet and funny friend. You lit up my world and I will never forget you. If I’m honest, I wished you could have taken me with you. What got me through last year in Intensive Care, was knowing you would be there waiting for me upon my arrival home. You buoyed me up and got me through. Life is going to be unbearable without you.

23rd Nov 2023

The Worst News Imaginable

Last Tuesday, everything was completely usual with my best friend, The Queen B. She ran across the garden to meet me when I ventured outside. She always did this really cute thing of seeing me, acknowledging me with a nod of her head and then miaowing all the way over to me as I walked towards her. She came in that night, and everything was as it always has been. She ate heartily. We hung out together. Her on the back of the sofa and me cuddling up next to her.

Wednesday last week, she stopped eating and by Thursday the weight was falling off her. I took her to the vet, they ran a blood test and this led to a biopsy which on Tuesday of this week (yesterday) returned the prognosis of cancer. Lymphoma. It’s just keeping her comfortable now.

I am going to lose my buddy. My amazing friend, whom I loved from the first moment I saw her. She is now little more than a bag of bones. We saw the vet today and he has put her on steroids to help slow the spread of the cancer as well as pain relief. She is just sitting in one place, still drinking but not eating.

One week has changed everything. I am heartbroken.

22nd Nov 2023 2

Brokenhearted…

Yesterday, my boy cat miaowed to come into my bedroom and normally I don’t allow him because of the locusts. I could see they were all behind the curtain and so I let him in, under my watchful gaze. I stroked him and he was soon fast asleep. I needed to take my medication. It’s a 2 minute thing. I got up quietly so as not to disturb him, did what I needed to and then returned. He was crouched on the carpet and he was patting at something. He had killed several locusts. I was so upset however I couldn’t tell him off as he was just following his nature.

One of the locusts had lost a front leg and was bleeding heavily from that, so I stemmed the flow of the blood and looking after him/her, thinking they would likely not make out the day. This morning, he/she was still alive however they weren’t moving. I prised him/her off the curtain and it clung to me so tightly. I realised it couldn’t propel itself with just the one front leg. I thought that if I could get him/her to eat then I would be happy to have him/her with me throughout the day. It could cling to my clothes, I could pop him/her onto my finger and take them around the garden with me. It would be okay.

Try as I might though, I could not get him/her to eat. I prepared fresh fruit and veg. I put down some bug grub/bug gel for him/her however nothing I did made any difference. I knew that without eating, it would surely die. He/she was clinging tightly to me and the strength of its limbs told me there was still plenty of life left in its body but remaining immobile and not eating/drinking would be no life for him/her at all so with a heavy heart, I made the decision to take it out into the garden and do what I felt I had to. I did so quickly and with no pain to my friend. I cried my eyes out. I asked ‘god’ for forgiveness.

I brought him/her home to live a long, happy life safe from harm and because I went against my better judgement yesterday, leaving the locusts with what I thought was my sleeping cat, he/she is now dead. He/she was beautiful, with gorgeous eyes and without losing its front limb would be walking about now in its own room, well fed and healthy. I will absolutely know what to do next time however it doesn’t bring my friend back. He/she is gone forever. I am brokenhearted.

2nd Nov 2023 6

Something Has Gotten Lost

When I was getting into Earth-based spirituality, I came across the book Wicca for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham. It can be downloaded free in PDF format HERE.

It resonated deeply with me and it started me off down the road of nature-based spirituality. At the time, there were so many online forums devoted to Paganism and they all felt so alive. Most are gone now. Mystic Wicks is still online however there are very few recent posts. It’s sad. The early to mid 2000’s was a great time to engage with Pagans, Witches of all flavours, Wiccans, Mystics and many more kinds of people.

There were shops dedicated to the New Age and they often stocked books and magazines devoted to Earth-based spirituality as well as items covering topics such as astrology, numerology, tarot, divination etc Even when the shops closed down, there were places you could go to meet people of a like mind. Often the way people dressed denoted what they were into. There was so much happening locally. It really did feel magic(k)al.

Last night, I found myself looking for a magazine I used to subscribe to. The front covers back then were amazing. That alone was like stepping into an ‘Otherworld.’ I ended up buying a copy of one of their magazines and I look forward to reading it however the colours are now muted. The text is plain by comparison. It’s the content that matters I know and perhaps it keeps the production costs down having a less stand-out cover? However, it just felt like something had been lost.

In the late 1990’s, I knew so many people who were openly spiritual and often ‘different’ from the mainstream in how they dressed, their topics of conversation, and how they thought and felt about the world around them. They were viewed then as eccentrics I suppose but my word, they were fun. I felt my mind engaged. I can’t remember the last time I had an in-depth conversation with anyone local to me. It’s appears to be all about money and career-climbing now. That too is sad. There’s far too much uniformity of thought. To quote the band Rush – “Conform or be cast out.”

Even the High Street has lost a great deal. It doesn’t matter where you go, most major towns look and feel the same. Independent shops with personality appear to be a thing of the past. I miss the old days. I miss meeting complete strangers in our known haunts, striking up a conversation and just seeing where it went. I miss the free-form spirituality, devoid of dogma and inflexibility of thinking. I miss the spontaneity. I miss the depth but most of all, I miss the fun. Everything is so serious now. Something has gotten lost and I don’t like it.

23rd Oct 2023 6

Spiders Need Feeding Too

I keep crickets and locusts as pets. My thinking behind this was that I didn’t want to see these lovely little critters become live food for various other beasties, such as snakes, lizards and tarantulas. However, when they pass away naturally I have no issues with offering them to the false widow spider who lives behind the umbrella in our hallway and the 2 spiders (one a false widow) who live together amicably in the shed.

The backdrop to the above photograph is our kitchen. I would rather not do it however the spiders need feeding too. Unfortunately at this time of the year, the slight temperature drop in the evenings is having a greatly deleterious effect on my cricket and locust friends and so there is a very steady die-off occurring now. The locusts which have become friendly towards me and who seek out my company, are buried in amongst the flowers in the garden and will invariably then become food for the soil. It’s the grand cycle of nature. Death and rebirth.

28th Sep 2023 0